spacey out

Ice Nice Tea

2009-04-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

I HAVE A GIGANTIC NEED STATEMENT QUIZ TOMORROW AND I HOPE I CAN REMEMBER EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

I am scared.

At least this week is almost over. Oh joy.

HOT!

2009-04-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

It is so hot! I went to lay down a while, and the next thing I knew an hour had gone by. I was knocked out. When I woke up, it was even hotter than before. What is happening?! I can't take it. My head hurts. My eyes are blurred. My legs keep collapsing under me. I can't open the windows because hot wind keeps blowing in.

Wind = Yes
Hot= No
Hot Wind = Oooh No

Thank goodness for fans. They just spin and spin and spin and spin and magically cool me down. BUT! Beware. Once I step away from the magic fan's line of influence I melt. How nice would it be if I had some ice cream right now? Very nice! I think sometime soon Ben and Jerry's is going to have one of those free ice cream days. It is only in certain places, so look it up and if one of them is nearby take me with you! Stream of consciousness narration. Is this what I am doing? Darn English. Making me realize that there is a term for how I am writing. First person. Since I am using "I" and "you". Huzzah!

Wait.

Stop right there.

Don't turn around.

This may come as a shock to you.

But.

It is important.

And it is important to you and me.

So listen up.

Don't listen down.

Or look away.

Look straight ahead.

Okay.

So here it is.

I have a quiz in English!

So here is an interesting little thing. Starting Thursday I'm going to be lugging around a bag of trash. Not your trash or his trash or her trash or that trash, but my trash. Yep. Yup. Yip. Yuppers. Yipperoo. One week. Thursday to Thursday. I can't throw anything away. Except into my little trash baggie. All the trash I make goes in the bag. Not into the trash can, that goes to the bigger trash can, that goes to the truck, the goes to the landfill. Now now. Don't get grossed out too quickly. This doesn't mean I have to lug around my food scraps, and used toilet paper. I keep those in a log. Not a wooden log but a written log. On a peice of paper. Food scraps do not have to be thrown away. They can be put in a compost pile. Compost pile. Compost pile. Great right? If you do not know what a compost pile is..

LOOK IT UP

Scabs

2009-04-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

I HURT MYSELF!

I was trying to swat a fly away.

Hit my glasses, which I was wearing.

My glasses scratched me, and now I have a gash between my left eye and nose.

I also have a random cut on my right middle finger.

Looks like a paper cut.

A thick paper paper cut.

Now the gash became a scab and I was poking at the scab.

Now the scab is coming off.

I sat with my legs crossed in front of the computer in my chair and now my legs feel like jelly.

The scab is still not coming off.

It is half off and half stuck on.

But if I poke more at it it will become a scar.

A scar on my face

I don't want that!

My legs are going numb now.

It stings like needles poking endlessly.

You know what I mean.

I can't take it.

I'm going to rip the darn thing off my face.

No no.

I can't.

What if it makes it worse.

Stupid scabs.

They are so rough and easy to pick at.

No one can resist a scab that isn't ready to fall of yet.

At least I can't.

Grossing anyone out?

Making anyone want to pick at their scab?

I am.

Not.

My foot is still numb.

Only slightly though.

Why am I even blogging about this?

Nothing more to do.

Except do my homework.

Calculus.

English.

Study for stuff.

I could be.

But I would rather sit in front of my computer.

Picking at a scab.

I'm grossing myself out.

Ouch ouch ow ow ow.

Picking at it isn't going to work.

I'm going to have to let it dangle on my face until it is ready to fall off.

Jump off.

Skip off.

Leap off.

Run away.

Detach itself from my face.

Imagine that.

A scab growing legs and jumping off my face.

Interesting.

I hope that never happens to me.

To someone else maybe.

It would be fun to see.

But not me.

Foot no longer numb.

I'll sit with my legs folded to the left then.

How long till they go numb again?

Running.

Faster and faster.

Finally breaking free.

Stupid stupid scabs.

....

IT'S OFF!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yes Yes Yes!

Ew.

Kind of gross now that I look at it.

It has no legs.

Thankfully.

Or not thankfully.

I will never get to see a scab jump off someone's face.

Will I.

Now it's just there.

On my napkin.

Laying there.

The napkin has a scab.

Run scab run!

Now all I have to do is wait for my finger to heal.

Darn paper cuts.

How did I even get it?

I don't think the scab was ready to come off.

What have I done?!

I'll be scarred for life.

Not emotionally like others.

But physically.

Ohhhh...intense.

Not really.

"How did you get that?"

"I hit myself in the face."

"Oh. How horrible?"

"Well. I was trying to hit a fly."

It's still here, there, on my table.

On the napkin.

Not on my face.

I could take a picture of it.

Put it online.

Then everyone can take a look.

But I won't.

If anyone wants to see it.

Come dig in my garbage can.

HA!

Marvel at what was once on my face.

Well actually it is only a part of it.

It wasn't supposed to come off yet.

Half is still there.

Incomplete.

The poor thing has to go on now without its lower half.

Or upper half.

Poor me.

I'll have half a scar.

All because I was itching to pick at my scab.

Pack Rat

2009-03-09T17:35:00.000-07:00

I'm the type of person that gets attached to an inanimate object. It's not like I mean to. Whether it is a stuffed animal or a TV, I can't help but feel devastated when it is thrown away or, in this case, given away. I am a pack rat.
I don't let go of things. Today we had our old old old TV taken/given away to one of our friend's friend. It was horrible. As he was carrying it out the door, then out another door, then finally onto his blue and dirty truck, I wanted to lunged on top of the TV and plug it back in for one last show, or two. It has been in our house for as long as I can remember. Actually, I think it is the same age as I am. Like a brother or sister. Like an oddly rectangular shaped twin! What am I going to do without him? What about all the memories that I have made? Playing Nintendo 64, and Gamecube, and that weird Dance Dance Revolution copy game. Yoshi's Story, Soul Calibur, Mario this and that, Harvest Moon, and more! Watching shows, eating in front of it, putting stickers in the upper left hand corner. Gone. All gone. WHY?! One phone call and it is taken away. I didn't even get a chance to take a proper picture with it.
I know later on I am going to forget all about it, and not feel as crushed as I am now, but so many years have been put into this one object, this one hunk of material. So many times I complained about how old and horrible the TV was, but really didn't want to get rid of it in the first place. Attachments. Some people get attached to another person, or a pet, but I happened to get attached to an old TV.
Now all I have worry about is when we get rid of the other one. He is way way way much much much older than the one we lost today. Stupid sentimental value. Pftt...I miss it.

YUM?

2008-11-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

...I just had a whole mouthful of half cooked rice.

just letting you know what I'm being fed nowadays. :[

What do you do with a Klondike bar?

2008-10-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

It is official. I no longer have a social life. According to my mom, I have to stay home and do homework like a good little girl. When I finish my homework? Start reading the textbooks, make it so that I am ten chapters ahead of everyone else. Finished the textbooks? Look back on my notes. Done looking back? Memorize each word and symbol and picture and spaces and notes and sounds. Done memorizing? Restart the cycle. DUH!
I can't go out on weekends anymore. Nope not at all. Yesterdays homecoming was the last time I will ever have fun. At least that is what mom wants. I can't even go to church anymore. Why go to church when I could be studying? Why talk to friends when I could be and should be doing homework? Why sit around and relax for ten seconds when I could be sitting at my desk, breaking down, going mad, and bawling about what I want to be doing? The only times I am allowed to go out are when I have SAT class or violin lessons.
SAT classes from 10:00am to 3:30pm? Sure! Why not? Let's add a math class! Now it could be 10:00 to 5:00! Now that we have Saturday all worked out, let's work on Sunday. Okay okay. Sunday you can sleep until 12:00 or 1:00. Hmm...that sounds nice. Not bad. Not bad at all. Wake up, eat lunch, do work or study until 5:00, go to violin lessons, come home at 6:00, eat, work and study until 8:00 or 9:00, go shower, oh look I still have time to cram in some more studying, study, study, get yelled at about how messy and irresponsible I am, study study, get a lecture about what is right and what is wrong, study, get told that I should be studying everday and every hour, every minute, every second of my life, study, study some more, get yelled at because it is 11:00 and I am supposed to be asleep already, so I have energy to study some more, tomorrow, again, crawl into bed, about to fall asleep, mom comes in, whispers or shouts or just says in my ear, "you have to study and be a good girl, I know you want to have fun, I want you to have fun too, but you need to make school and SATs your priority, I love you, right now you have to try your best, be the best, be the smartest, you don't need to go out with friends all the time, you don't need to talk to you friends that much, you have to study, you have to make it into a good school, I want the best for you."
I know she wants all the best for me, but I am going insane! Each time I hear her voice, or anyone's voice I want to rip my hair out, grab something and rip it apart, smash my face into the wall, scratch at my arms until I bleed, scream and curse at everyone and everything, break things, and get a gun shoot everyone until all the bullets in the world are gone. Sometimes, even thinking about these things makes me want to do something horrible.
On another note. My mom is going over to my neighbors right now, and thanking them for calling the police when they thought someone was going to break into our house. How nice. Except it is a bit more complicated than that. Haha. "Thank you for worrying about us and calling the police. It was very nice of you." But this happened how many days ago? Oh well. Ho hum. What can I do? What can I say to everyone to make things better? How can I make it so everyone is satisfied? Why can't I make it so everyone is happy? Why can't things work out for everyone, including me? Why is it that everything I do leads to something worse? What to do now? Study? Fine then. I should be doing that anyways.

YAH-pan

2008-08-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

Oh dear. It has been quite a while since I have blogged. This summer has been fun. I guess. Haha. No no it has been really exciting. Apart from my horrible two months ?? in summer school and SAT prep classes. Japan japan JApan jaPan hapan gapan yapan. I came back from Japan! Since I am now somehow on the subject. Ahem. I dont feel like talking about it. Weird isn't it?

I Need

2008-04-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

And goodbye to the last day of spring break. I'll being missing all the sleep and fun tomorrow. At least I actually went out to places this time. Haha. Even though I didn't start my driving lessons. Boo. But it's all okay. I have no need to rush into driving. Do I? My reactions are slow. I tend to look at everything or only focus on one thing at a time. Bumbo. Steph just went back to Long Beach. Gar. And she left her stuff all over my table. And granny had to finish your drink for you. Not that she minded really, but yes she drank it. Haha. Looking like we are in for a hot one. Boo again. I don't like the heat. I really should be organizing my things for tomorrow but I think I shall put it off for another hour or so. Khaki pants.

Apple Chips

2008-03-18T20:33:00.001-07:00

NOodles. That is what I have been eating every Tuesday and Thursday. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday normally consists of : rice, beef or chicken or both, some kind of tofu or bean curd, and some veggies that are the same everyday ( I just don't know their names. ) Ahhh...I need some variety in my food! My lunch is the same every week to! Now that I have no more juice or milk or snacks in my home , it's back to old soy milk or water. I want to cry.
-*beeeep* intermission *beeeep* -
AH! A mosquito just landed right in front of me! Funny haha. I'm so scared inside, but when I look at my reflection my face is like this ---> -___-. I show no emotion whatsoever. I'm blank at school, at home, during movies (except certain ones), and some other places I just can't think about. What is wrong with me? "Nothing. You just don't laugh as much, show panic, or cry as much in front of others (and mosquitoes that come from nowhere.)" Well, normally I wouldn't be worrying about this kind of thing, buuutt my friend mentioned it today. I'm a brick wall! No not even a brick wall! Brick walls have color. I'm more like a concrete wall that has just been made. A crack here and there, but other than that, nothing.
What am I saying? I talk plenty much around you all. It's only when I'm in school that I become concrete wall. Haha. Then, a bunch of graffiti appears and I start blabbing nonsense and what not.
Melting Pot. Kocky. Scotch. Biggie. Purell. Qee. Sony. Hawk. Hello. Far East. Maxell. Yoshi. I have so many different things around me. How nice. Let them add some color to my wall. :]

Remember Me?

2008-03-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU. For all those sushi and tuna comments. Very comforting. Haha. Anyways, it is going all okey doke around here. Did a little reading. Learned a little math. Nothing too hardcore going on these days. I suppose that's good cause I am probably in for a whopper of hard working next year. Gah. Mah. Lah. Pah. Lost my train of thought.

Bye

2008-03-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

March 9, 2008 Timmy
March 11, 2008 Jimmy
Goodbye Timmy and Jimmy

I shouldn't be this sad. After all they were just two goldfish from a tiny carnival in Temple City. So why am I so caught up in these two? They didn't live as long as the turtles or bunnies. They didn't interact with me a much as those either. Just fish. I keep telling myself that, but it's not working too well. I even eat fish! They were doomed from the start, and I knew it the whole time. But I just had to get all excited and think that maybe just maybe that they might live this time. Stupid ping-pong ball. It just had to make it in. Ah, I hate this. Even as I was emptying the tank I kept hoping that he would come back alive and start swimming around. It didn't seem possible that in a half hour period of time he would just die. But I knew it. Once the first one died it was only a matter of time until the second one would. I knew it for two days. It completely loomed over me the whole time, but surprise surprise! He really did die. And what's even worse? My grandma acted so fast. Once I had finished emptying the tank, she threw it away. Not even a single drop of compassion or an it's okay. Just a big ol' ( spoken in chinese ) "Those little fish were going to die anyways. They weren't even worth anything." Ouch. Like a stab in an already broken heart. But forget it. I have no time or reason to mope around. After all, they were just going to die anyways.

Why hello again!

2007-12-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

And so it began. She snatched them from their homes and slammed them down onto the cold wooden surface. One after another she snarled viciously at the poor people trapped in silver boxes. Though they smiled continuously, the pain was evident. The lives they had for years and years, taken away from them in an instant. And for what? For a new more modern home to stand upon? The lights flickered above them, and the woman laughed, "Such dirty little things! Put then somewhere else!"
Ahhum. Ok so when was my last post? Need not worry I am just fine. Can anyone guess what the above what-do-you-call-it is about? Soo...yesterday my aunt came from New York to visit and what not. Happy happy joy joy. Or is it!? As Stephanie may know, my aunt usually has a total cleaning rampage when she comes to visit. Dirty this dirty that. The victims are in fact the picture frames that were sitting upon our old TV. Jeez. Even though we got some fancy smancy new TV that doesn't mean she can suddenly decided that she's going to throw away the old one. I mean, that was the plan in the first place, but you should have heard her tone of voice. "Ahh! Just looking at these things here makes me angry." Okay, maybe typing it out isn't the best way to show how she sounded, BUT it was hurtful that she would just go right into thinking about throwing everything away without consulting the people who ACTUALLY live in the place. Blab blab okay whatever I am over with it anyways. Haha. I just thought it would be interesting to type it out story style.
Now onto the things I remember that happened to me in these past few day, weeks, or month..? Hmm..I had some funky dreams! Riight that's what it was. So anyways, it was the night before I was supposed to have a rehearsal for orchestra and right before bed I was thinking about it. In my dream my mom was driving me to school and I had my violin with me, but right as we reached the school she kept going. Angry, I said something along the lines of, "What the **** do you think you are doing?! I am already almost late for the rehearsal!" And she just U-turned and went back. But she missed again! Another baddd sentence came out of my mouth. She kept missing and missing and I kept cussing at her and hitting her and throwing the ultimate you-need-to-go-to-anger-management fit in the car. Creepy,scary, it was intense. My other dream? Hmm...don't really want to tell you peeps actually. Maybe just maybe you can ask me and I'll tell you.
AH! I got an A on my math test! WHoop whOOp! May not sound as pleasing as it did to me to you, but I'm happy! Now...if only I could concentrate more in the homework I was supposed to finish two hours ago! Dun dun DUNNN! Lord of the Flies, with a splash of dreamland Mandarin homework, here I come!!!

2007-11-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

Took out the ol' violin today and practiced! And WOO I sound so much better when no one is around to make me feel uncomfortable. Haha. Ho humsy hum bum. I must stop thinking about my interview this Saturday. I don't even know where it is at! Oh deary. What shall I do? What are my hobbies? Why do I want to enter the program? What is special about me? What is my favorite school subject? My my...how little you can think of yourself when someone is asking you about it. La dee la blee blah. My stand calls to me. The bow calls to me. The strings are being ignored. Must resist temptation to waste time on the internet! Must pick up violin and continue to...*minute later* I'm watching videos X___X

Tofu Fury

2007-11-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't been concentrating on my work lately. So many things to do but I just push everything aside. What can I do? There are iPods and cell phones, then books and more books, there is my computer and the TV, and so much food and places to doodle on...

Ahhum. Just came back from a twenty minute break away from the computer and I am FURIOUS! I have a project due tomorrow and none of my group members are trying to contact me. (except one person but STILL!!) What am I going to do? I can't even contact any of them because "everyone will go on AIM and chat it away." NOOO!!! NONE OF THEM ARE ON RIGHT NOW!! And the worst thing is...i haven't even finish my part of the project yet TT___TT. Need to make the poster and need to finish writing up elaborate answers to questions. Arrrggghhhhh. Must take anger out on inanimate object. Kick kick. Punch. Oww. My hands. My feet. My mind! THE biggest project of the quarter or semester and I am eating my dinner, texting my sister, and reading my book for two hours. why why why? Stupid tofu. I should chuck it out the window at some innocent pedestrian. Help. Help me. Guide me. Inspire me! I need motivation to finish my work!

CAUTION: Contents May Be Hot

2007-11-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

Woot! I finally got a new phone! Happy happy. No more old school Nokia with no color screen. Mmm...eating fried rice. Yum yum to the tum tum.
Blah I still have an essay to finish and a project to paste together. Oh my!

LAB-ra-ka-DaB-ra

2007-10-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

It's funny. Yesterday I was looking through one of my grandmather's/grandmo's (haha weirdo steph) photo albums, and I just started skimming through it. Seeing the younger versions of my aunts, uncles and my mom was so fun. They look so much like my cousins and they were also cute! But the thing that got me was the pictures of my grandfather. There were pictures of him waaaaaaayy before he even met granny. *flip page flip* and then I started to tear up. I don't know why. it just made me so happy to see my granny so excited about retelling the stories about those pictures.
Ahhh...anyways. Chemistry is hard. I'm not very fond of this lab stuff. I like the process but I do not favor those stupido lab write ups. Huzzah! Off to work.

Duck Duck MANGO

2007-10-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

For once I have sorta not really but kinda finished my homework. *clap clap clap* I finally had some yum yum naked juice. Mango is verry goodah. Me thinksies that I might not get chosen to go to Japan for People to People. boo hoo. Yes, it is going to be fun, but can I represent Ah-mare-Ri-ka? Hmmm...humm...humsy hum hum.

Oh The Catcher in the Rye is the strangest book. So hard to write about. Why are there so many interpretations? Maybe there isn't all that symbolism blab. What if J.D. Salinger didn't want his book to be all analyzed and studied. What if that Holden dude really wanted to just know where the ducks went. Ahh. How we just take a simple quote and jumble it around, make it all complicated, and leave all the literal people in the dust. Duck duck GOOSE!

Color my World

2007-10-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Rant rant pant pant. Why does my house only have soymilk? I need JUICE! Mill-lee-khuu is bad. In-tie-rest-ing. colorful little world. Ahhum. Back to work.

Paper knife

2007-10-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

Tiffie "came back" from India! Woo hoo! Finally, I have someone to talk to instead of my granny. Or do I? Other than that, today was uneventful. I can be quite boring sometimes. Ahem. Supposed to be doing my homework but...I can't. IT'S TOO FRUSTRATING! Why can't I be one of those whiz kids and finish all my things fast? It's not like I don't understand what to do, I'd just rather write nonsense on a blog that make a bunch of calculations and notes in my head. Oh! I have a papercut! Pain pain. I don't like papercuts. They are too small to get a band-aid from the nurse and too big for you to bend your pinky so you can write. Papers are like knives. Flip page. Flip page. Cut! Ouch.

Whoa. Do you ever get those moments when you write/type a word to much that it starts to look like a bunch of oareihgoaiehg? paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper Ah...there it is. Paper isn't a word to me at the moment. P-A-P-E-R. Blab blab. If this never happened to you before then well...I must seem pretty weird to you at the moment. HA! Funny stuff. Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. It doesn't work with fun. Interesting. What should I make of this? the the the the the. IT DOESN'T WORK WITH THREE LETTER WORDS! Ah ha! Now I'm happy. now now now. Nevermind.

Hel-lOO-pole ME

2007-10-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Wow! I'm back in the blogging phase. Ahhh...yes how only years ago i had fancied Xanga, then Myspace, then the ever so popular Facebook. But now i have moved on to better things. No, not really. Sadly, i am still caught up in all of those three (now four) sites. Anyways, this has now become my procrastination blog since i haven't finished my homework yet. Gehhh? Hel-loo-pole me!!!