spacey.cow

Compassion

2012-01-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

It's one of those moments again.

Why can't you be a little more compassionate? Something horrible just happened to someone I care about and you just brush it off with, "it always happens" and "oh, it's nothing."

Sometimes people just want you to agree with them.

Very annoying.

Now stop talking please.

Stop trying to argue or spit your logic.

COMPASSION.

Or something.

Gosh. I really don't know anymore. I hate dealing with people like you.

Augh.

Irritating

2011-12-03T18:52:00.000-08:00

It's getting old now.

I don't think I can stand being around this person anymore.

Disgusting, dirty, inconsiderate, stubborn, and self-absorbed.

I don't like to hear the sound of your voice.

What should I do then?

I'm a horrible person for feeling this way.

You've done so much for me.

I'm grateful.

You've done so much to annoy me.

I'm sick of it.

I hate being a people pleaser.

...but I can't stop.

"Don't burn bridges."

I know. I know.

I'm too scared to burn it anyways.

What if it collapses on me and drowns me in its pool of filth?

No thank you.

I'll have to plan it carefully.

Make this bridge collapse on its own.

Here drink yourself full with gasoline and light a cigarette.

Tsk. Nevermind I don't like people that smoke.

.........

Okay okay. I had a momentary lapse into hatred.

I still don't like you that much though.

I'll figure something out.

Vent vent vent vent vent vent.

Good thing I rarely see you for someone that is so close to me.

Stupid.

It's irritating.

Vent: "Two Sides"

2011-09-25T17:28:00.000-07:00

When I am just trying to say something. Please don't try to debate with me.

I am not looking for an argument!

"Oh, I know you are this way, but I can see both sides so yeah."

This isn't helping in any way. Nope. Not at all.

For once, nod your head and just take in the ONE, SINGLE, ITTY-BITTY comment I am saying, and DON'T KEEP TRYING TO TELL ME YOU SEE BOTH SIDES! I KNOW YOU DO! I SEE THEM TOO, BUT I'M ON THE OTHER FREAKING SIDE OF THE IDIOTIC COIN YOU KEEP TOSSING OVER AND OVER IN THE AIR.

Augh.

我快瘋了!

Just Another Saturday Night

2011-03-26T20:01:00.000-07:00

How stupid of me to think that I could fix things between people. In the end, we all come from different places, and interpret experiences differently.

It's so hard to understand what people come from.

It's so hard to keep things peaceful.

I hate this.

To stubbornly shut things out of your mind.

To not see what is happening around you until it is too late.

To only think about how you feel about things.

To break down so easily and feel helpless.

To be too afraid to do anything.

To be too afraid to ask.

I hate this.

I hate having unnecessary contact with other people.

They can only lead to trouble.

Maybe.

Maybe I'll try.

I hate that I try.

Lunatics

2011-03-17T22:07:00.000-07:00

Obviously, I have given up on the whole blog reposting thing.

It's not that I don't like people. It's that I sometimes don't know how to interact with them.

I'm always wondering whether or not I am going to offend someone or make someone feel, for lack of a better word, bad. It wasn't until recently that I realized that not everyone in the world finds the things I find disturbing disturbing. Do you know what I mean?

I don't like sharing forks with people, but on occasion I let it slip. Some people don't understand that. Do you?

In order to avoid those awkward situations, I avoid people. I might spot someone while I am walking down the street, but unless we make some decent eye contact I will not approach him. Would you?

Instead, I prefer to sit alone somewhere and people watch. It is so diffcult to keep a conversation going. I try. Believe me, I try. Somehow they always end up walking away. Such poorly mannered people.

I have tried to make friends, but people these days don't know how to end a conversation the right way. They literally just walk away. Oh, why bother? You were boring to begin with.

Sometimes I don't even want to be their friends. It's good to make connections and make a good impression. We can't all be perfect buddies with one another. Why not just be acquaintances? Walked away now, didn't you? Yeah, yeah I was going to go do something fun-ner anyways.

So there I am sipping on my orange juice, or apple juice, because I don't like the taste of coffee and like drinks that are more refreshing. Sipping away I watch those people I tried to make connections with and realize that even though they are all talking to one another no one is truly interested.

"My purse was limited edition at such and such."

"Oh, reeeeaally? It's so cute. I have always wanted a bag like that."

Oh shush it. You are jealous and bored and only want to make a good impression on the girl that can afford that bag, and she just keeps flaunting everything she has. From my point of view, you two look ridiculous.

"Man, I don't even remember what happened last night. I just blacked out and found myself on the floor. Heh."

"You went out? Sounds like a wild night. You got-tuh invite me next time."

What is so fun about not remembering what happened? How pitiful you blacked out, and the other you wants to do it too. Laugh away you lunatics.

Bitter. Bitter. It is not always like that, but when I watch from the outside it is much too easy to see how uninterested everyone else is. Even the slightest movements and the briefest changes of tones. I caught you, but don't worry I won't tell anyone. Anyone you think matters will walk away from me anyways.

What happened to being sincere, having manners, respecting your elders, being conservative, or paying attention to others?

I call myself anti-social. It's not because I want to be. It's because it is so hard not to be.

I don't have to open my mouth and feign interest. I don't have to try to grab someone's attention. I don't need to do these sort of things. But I'm so lonely.

Some people surround themselves with a whole mob of friends. None of which they can rely on or go to for help. I don't need a worthless army like that. I have my own select few special forces.

Oh, but you can only know someone so well. Sometimes special forces may change sides on you.

Go ahead. I don't mind. I prefer being alone anyways.

*Big Sigh*

Sorry? Come back?

*Feigns interest. Grabs attention.*

Oh goody, your back. Let me tell you something. Let me show you something. Look. Look!

Pity. Pity. I'm just the same. How else would I notice the things people do? It's because I do them too.

So, what now?

I want some apple juice.

Orange Juice

2010-12-09T17:53:00.000-08:00

I have failed to concentrate on my life again.

Stars are Everywhere

2010-10-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time...

I had an English class taught by an English teacher that made me think more than I ever had before. He told us to make stars out of five points: Enlightenment, identity, love, security, and independence. From what I remember my star was an extreme version of this ------>

However far away each point is from the circle, represents how far away you feel you are from achieving that point. Make sense? Yes. No. Maybe so.

We were asked to "Take a look at the star-chart you made today - the one where you moved certain categories farther from the center than others. Look at the point that concerns you the most deeply (the one you feel you need to search for most over the course of your life) and the point that's farthest removed from the center. (They may be one and the same.) Examine why these points are located where they are. What's so captivating about that certain point? Why you feel removed from a particular element? What you think the future holds for you - will you ever move your points closer? If so, how? Do you foresee any of them drifting away?"

And so I responded with:

My poor star is stretched to his limits. He has been tortured by a terribly built and disproportionate medieval rack, and only two of his limbs are partially intact. Identity and independence, the two arms, are flailing far from the center, but even worse off is enlightenment, the head, which looks like it is just about ready to pop off. Love and security are a bit closer, but that is nothing to be happy about seeing that they are uneven and still painfully far away.

Two heads are better than one, but what if one of those heads is so far away from the other that nothing can be related back? Enlightenment = “The state of being enlightened.” Well, that doesn’t help very much does it? Precisely. How will I know if I am enlightened if I barely even know the meaning of enlightenment? Do people truly have personalities or are they just empty shells molded and developed from the teaching of their parents and from the encounters they have experienced? Does that mean everyone beforehand was an empty shell as well? Does that mean that the very first people were the only ones with personality? When will I get my “Siddhartha” moment? Will I be able to see enough of the world before I die? When will I die? Where will I go? Why don’t I understand every language in the world? Could I learn them all? Should I start now? Which job should I choose? Think smaller. Which college should I choose? Which college will I even get into? Think even smaller. Which major am I interested in? Am I even making any sense anymore? Am I staying on topic? Genius genius geniuses! What determines a true genius? Why do I fret over these things when I know I don’t really need to worry? Enlightenment is not the knowledge of all things far and wide. I am the main character that is stopped halfway through her adventure only to realize that knowing everything is not everything, and realizing that knowing the right things is the right thing. Now, I have to pack my bags, figuratively speaking, and decipher just what those right things are.

The limb that concerns me most deeply is love. What some people do not realized is that they may have an abundance of love from the people around them, but lack love for themselves and for others. I too suffer from lack-of-love-of-self-iosis. I am despicable. I am useless. I am a liar. I am untrue. I am lacking confidence, and I am lacking heart. Everyday as the clock circles back around to 8, I listen for the sound of the door opening, dreading that moment when my mother comes home. She is not evil. She is not the demon woman from the fiery abyss. She is my mother who loves me. Sometimes, I think she loves me too much. Her love, her concern, and her anxiety for my wellbeing smother me to the point that I am disgusted. Like any other teenager, I want to be left alone. I want to laze about and be a couch potato, but I am on the verge of being served with gravy. As far as I know, love-hate relationships are plentiful and profuse, and I am not the only one. I want to find it again; I want to find that feeling of appreciation and thanks. Even before this little star experiment, I have been trying to reconnect with my lost gratitude, patience and love. As for what I think the future holds for me, I can not honestly say, “I know”, but I can tell a small lie and say, “I know I will find them! Just you wait!”

Apparently I was #67 that day and turned it in on 2010-01-28 22:10

Mhmm....I see many many mistakes. Do you?

Every now and then, our teacher would ask us to respond to something on our class blog, and this was one of them. For awhile now, I have been meaning to put my responses up on this blog, but I never really got around to it. It feels awkward to go back and read what I had written before. I thought it would be nice if they could all be put in one place, instead of being lost among the other responses.

Saturday it is! I set the goal to post up another one of my responses every Saturday!

If I feel like it.

I see stars everywhere!

Sleep

2010-01-03T04:42:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep.

It is 4:42 in the morning and I can't sleep. Mummy forgot her ID before she went to the airport. As you may well know, the ID is very important if someone wishes to take a trip somewhere.

Word of advice? Keep your ID with you at all times. And some money. A cellphone. Your keys.

Never want to be caught off guard again do we?

I suppose I could fall back asleep, but since I'm awake I might as well use this time to do some stuff.

Read a book. Write a book. Plan a movie. Or just watch a movie. Endless endless possibilities.

Disney Channel will do just fine.

Why can't I fall asleep?

Sometimes I'm easily scared.

Why go back to sleep when I can sit around in my jammies, in front of the computer, in front of the TV, clutching a pillow, with a cellphone in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other?

Get what I'm saying here?

Everyone should have one point in their life, or for cases like me many points, when she is caught at home sitting at the computer with a pair of scissors in her hand.

Live a little!

Cut some string, make it floss, and floss your teeth.

Play some music, use the scissors and tap to the beat.

But be careful!

Don't run around with the scissors!

Don't leave scissors randomly on the floor where little girls making Mother's day cards for their mummy would crawl around, not know it is there, and have it go through their knee!

All in all, just don't use scissors irresponsibly.

For cutting projects. Ribbon. String. Floss? And carrying around at 4 or 5 in the morning with the lights dim in the house because you are just darn paranoid. Ok! Good!

So snip to!

Sleep. Or not?

Ice Nice Tea

2009-04-23T22:00:00.000-07:00

I HAVE A GIGANTIC NEED STATEMENT QUIZ TOMORROW AND I HOPE I CAN REMEMBER EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

I am scared.

At least this week is almost over. Oh joy.

HOT!

2009-04-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

It is so hot! I went to lay down a while, and the next thing I knew an hour had gone by. I was knocked out. When I woke up, it was even hotter than before. What is happening?! I can't take it. My head hurts. My eyes are blurred. My legs keep collapsing under me. I can't open the windows because hot wind keeps blowing in.

Wind = Yes
Hot= No
Hot Wind = Oooh No

Thank goodness for fans. They just spin and spin and spin and spin and magically cool me down. BUT! Beware. Once I step away from the magic fan's line of influence I melt. How nice would it be if I had some ice cream right now? Very nice! I think sometime soon Ben and Jerry's is going to have one of those free ice cream days. It is only in certain places, so look it up and if one of them is nearby take me with you! Stream of consciousness narration. Is this what I am doing? Darn English. Making me realize that there is a term for how I am writing. First person. Since I am using "I" and "you". Huzzah!

Wait.

Stop right there.

Don't turn around.

This may come as a shock to you.

But.

It is important.

And it is important to you and me.

So listen up.

Don't listen down.

Or look away.

Look straight ahead.

Okay.

So here it is.

I have a quiz in English!

So here is an interesting little thing. Starting Thursday I'm going to be lugging around a bag of trash. Not your trash or his trash or her trash or that trash, but my trash. Yep. Yup. Yip. Yuppers. Yipperoo. One week. Thursday to Thursday. I can't throw anything away. Except into my little trash baggie. All the trash I make goes in the bag. Not into the trash can, that goes to the bigger trash can, that goes to the truck, the goes to the landfill. Now now. Don't get grossed out too quickly. This doesn't mean I have to lug around my food scraps, and used toilet paper. I keep those in a log. Not a wooden log but a written log. On a peice of paper. Food scraps do not have to be thrown away. They can be put in a compost pile. Compost pile. Compost pile. Great right? If you do not know what a compost pile is..

LOOK IT UP

Scabs

2009-04-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

I HURT MYSELF!

I was trying to swat a fly away.

Hit my glasses, which I was wearing.

My glasses scratched me, and now I have a gash between my left eye and nose.

I also have a random cut on my right middle finger.

Looks like a paper cut.

A thick paper paper cut.

Now the gash became a scab and I was poking at the scab.

Now the scab is coming off.

I sat with my legs crossed in front of the computer in my chair and now my legs feel like jelly.

The scab is still not coming off.

It is half off and half stuck on.

But if I poke more at it it will become a scar.

A scar on my face

I don't want that!

My legs are going numb now.

It stings like needles poking endlessly.

You know what I mean.

I can't take it.

I'm going to rip the darn thing off my face.

No no.

I can't.

What if it makes it worse.

Stupid scabs.

They are so rough and easy to pick at.

No one can resist a scab that isn't ready to fall of yet.

At least I can't.

Grossing anyone out?

Making anyone want to pick at their scab?

I am.

Not.

My foot is still numb.

Only slightly though.

Why am I even blogging about this?

Nothing more to do.

Except do my homework.

Calculus.

English.

Study for stuff.

I could be.

But I would rather sit in front of my computer.

Picking at a scab.

I'm grossing myself out.

Ouch ouch ow ow ow.

Picking at it isn't going to work.

I'm going to have to let it dangle on my face until it is ready to fall off.

Jump off.

Skip off.

Leap off.

Run away.

Detach itself from my face.

Imagine that.

A scab growing legs and jumping off my face.

Interesting.

I hope that never happens to me.

To someone else maybe.

It would be fun to see.

But not me.

Foot no longer numb.

I'll sit with my legs folded to the left then.

How long till they go numb again?

Running.

Faster and faster.

Finally breaking free.

Stupid stupid scabs.

....

IT'S OFF!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Yes Yes Yes!

Ew.

Kind of gross now that I look at it.

It has no legs.

Thankfully.

Or not thankfully.

I will never get to see a scab jump off someone's face.

Will I.

Now it's just there.

On my napkin.

Laying there.

The napkin has a scab.

Run scab run!

Now all I have to do is wait for my finger to heal.

Darn paper cuts.

How did I even get it?

I don't think the scab was ready to come off.

What have I done?!

I'll be scarred for life.

Not emotionally like others.

But physically.

Ohhhh...intense.

Not really.

"How did you get that?"

"I hit myself in the face."

"Oh. How horrible?"

"Well. I was trying to hit a fly."

It's still here, there, on my table.

On the napkin.

Not on my face.

I could take a picture of it.

Put it online.

Then everyone can take a look.

But I won't.

If anyone wants to see it.

Come dig in my garbage can.

HA!

Marvel at what was once on my face.

Well actually it is only a part of it.

It wasn't supposed to come off yet.

Half is still there.

Incomplete.

The poor thing has to go on now without its lower half.

Or upper half.

Poor me.

I'll have half a scar.

All because I was itching to pick at my scab.

Pack Rat

2009-03-09T17:35:00.000-07:00

I'm the type of person that gets attached to an inanimate object. It's not like I mean to. Whether it is a stuffed animal or a TV, I can't help but feel devastated when it is thrown away or, in this case, given away. I am a pack rat.
I don't let go of things. Today we had our old old old TV taken/given away to one of our friend's friend. It was horrible. As he was carrying it out the door, then out another door, then finally onto his blue and dirty truck, I wanted to lunged on top of the TV and plug it back in for one last show, or two. It has been in our house for as long as I can remember. Actually, I think it is the same age as I am. Like a brother or sister. Like an oddly rectangular shaped twin! What am I going to do without him? What about all the memories that I have made? Playing Nintendo 64, and Gamecube, and that weird Dance Dance Revolution copy game. Yoshi's Story, Soul Calibur, Mario this and that, Harvest Moon, and more! Watching shows, eating in front of it, putting stickers in the upper left hand corner. Gone. All gone. WHY?! One phone call and it is taken away. I didn't even get a chance to take a proper picture with it.
I know later on I am going to forget all about it, and not feel as crushed as I am now, but so many years have been put into this one object, this one hunk of material. So many times I complained about how old and horrible the TV was, but really didn't want to get rid of it in the first place. Attachments. Some people get attached to another person, or a pet, but I happened to get attached to an old TV.
Now all I have worry about is when we get rid of the other one. He is way way way much much much older than the one we lost today. Stupid sentimental value. Pftt...I miss it.

YUM?

2008-11-17T18:44:00.000-08:00

...I just had a whole mouthful of half cooked rice.

just letting you know what I'm being fed nowadays. :[

What do you do with a Klondike bar?

2008-10-12T20:00:00.000-07:00

It is official. I no longer have a social life. According to my mom, I have to stay home and do homework like a good little girl. When I finish my homework? Start reading the textbooks, make it so that I am ten chapters ahead of everyone else. Finished the textbooks? Look back on my notes. Done looking back? Memorize each word and symbol and picture and spaces and notes and sounds. Done memorizing? Restart the cycle. DUH!
I can't go out on weekends anymore. Nope not at all. Yesterdays homecoming was the last time I will ever have fun. At least that is what mom wants. I can't even go to church anymore. Why go to church when I could be studying? Why talk to friends when I could be and should be doing homework? Why sit around and relax for ten seconds when I could be sitting at my desk, breaking down, going mad, and bawling about what I want to be doing? The only times I am allowed to go out are when I have SAT class or violin lessons.
SAT classes from 10:00am to 3:30pm? Sure! Why not? Let's add a math class! Now it could be 10:00 to 5:00! Now that we have Saturday all worked out, let's work on Sunday. Okay okay. Sunday you can sleep until 12:00 or 1:00. Hmm...that sounds nice. Not bad. Not bad at all. Wake up, eat lunch, do work or study until 5:00, go to violin lessons, come home at 6:00, eat, work and study until 8:00 or 9:00, go shower, oh look I still have time to cram in some more studying, study, study, get yelled at about how messy and irresponsible I am, study study, get a lecture about what is right and what is wrong, study, get told that I should be studying everday and every hour, every minute, every second of my life, study, study some more, get yelled at because it is 11:00 and I am supposed to be asleep already, so I have energy to study some more, tomorrow, again, crawl into bed, about to fall asleep, mom comes in, whispers or shouts or just says in my ear, "you have to study and be a good girl, I know you want to have fun, I want you to have fun too, but you need to make school and SATs your priority, I love you, right now you have to try your best, be the best, be the smartest, you don't need to go out with friends all the time, you don't need to talk to you friends that much, you have to study, you have to make it into a good school, I want the best for you."
I know she wants all the best for me, but I am going insane! Each time I hear her voice, or anyone's voice I want to rip my hair out, grab something and rip it apart, smash my face into the wall, scratch at my arms until I bleed, scream and curse at everyone and everything, break things, and get a gun shoot everyone until all the bullets in the world are gone. Sometimes, even thinking about these things makes me want to do something horrible.
On another note. My mom is going over to my neighbors right now, and thanking them for calling the police when they thought someone was going to break into our house. How nice. Except it is a bit more complicated than that. Haha. "Thank you for worrying about us and calling the police. It was very nice of you." But this happened how many days ago? Oh well. Ho hum. What can I do? What can I say to everyone to make things better? How can I make it so everyone is satisfied? Why can't I make it so everyone is happy? Why can't things work out for everyone, including me? Why is it that everything I do leads to something worse? What to do now? Study? Fine then. I should be doing that anyways.

YAH-pan

2008-08-22T22:38:00.000-07:00

Oh dear. It has been quite a while since I have blogged. This summer has been fun. I guess. Haha. No no it has been really exciting. Apart from my horrible two months ?? in summer school and SAT prep classes. Japan japan JApan jaPan hapan gapan yapan. I came back from Japan! Since I am now somehow on the subject. Ahem. I dont feel like talking about it. Weird isn't it?

I Need

2008-04-13T19:12:00.000-07:00

And goodbye to the last day of spring break. I'll being missing all the sleep and fun tomorrow. At least I actually went out to places this time. Haha. Even though I didn't start my driving lessons. Boo. But it's all okay. I have no need to rush into driving. Do I? My reactions are slow. I tend to look at everything or only focus on one thing at a time. Bumbo. Steph just went back to Long Beach. Gar. And she left her stuff all over my table. And granny had to finish your drink for you. Not that she minded really, but yes she drank it. Haha. Looking like we are in for a hot one. Boo again. I don't like the heat. I really should be organizing my things for tomorrow but I think I shall put it off for another hour or so. Khaki pants.

Apple Chips

2008-03-18T20:33:00.001-07:00

NOodles. That is what I have been eating every Tuesday and Thursday. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday normally consists of : rice, beef or chicken or both, some kind of tofu or bean curd, and some veggies that are the same everyday ( I just don't know their names. ) Ahhh...I need some variety in my food! My lunch is the same every week to! Now that I have no more juice or milk or snacks in my home , it's back to old soy milk or water. I want to cry.
-*beeeep* intermission *beeeep* -
AH! A mosquito just landed right in front of me! Funny haha. I'm so scared inside, but when I look at my reflection my face is like this ---> -___-. I show no emotion whatsoever. I'm blank at school, at home, during movies (except certain ones), and some other places I just can't think about. What is wrong with me? "Nothing. You just don't laugh as much, show panic, or cry as much in front of others (and mosquitoes that come from nowhere.)" Well, normally I wouldn't be worrying about this kind of thing, buuutt my friend mentioned it today. I'm a brick wall! No not even a brick wall! Brick walls have color. I'm more like a concrete wall that has just been made. A crack here and there, but other than that, nothing.
What am I saying? I talk plenty much around you all. It's only when I'm in school that I become concrete wall. Haha. Then, a bunch of graffiti appears and I start blabbing nonsense and what not.
Melting Pot. Kocky. Scotch. Biggie. Purell. Qee. Sony. Hawk. Hello. Far East. Maxell. Yoshi. I have so many different things around me. How nice. Let them add some color to my wall. :]

Remember Me?

2008-03-17T16:26:00.000-07:00

THANK YOU. For all those sushi and tuna comments. Very comforting. Haha. Anyways, it is going all okey doke around here. Did a little reading. Learned a little math. Nothing too hardcore going on these days. I suppose that's good cause I am probably in for a whopper of hard working next year. Gah. Mah. Lah. Pah. Lost my train of thought.

Bye

2008-03-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

March 9, 2008 Timmy
March 11, 2008 Jimmy
Goodbye Timmy and Jimmy

I shouldn't be this sad. After all they were just two goldfish from a tiny carnival in Temple City. So why am I so caught up in these two? They didn't live as long as the turtles or bunnies. They didn't interact with me a much as those either. Just fish. I keep telling myself that, but it's not working too well. I even eat fish! They were doomed from the start, and I knew it the whole time. But I just had to get all excited and think that maybe just maybe that they might live this time. Stupid ping-pong ball. It just had to make it in. Ah, I hate this. Even as I was emptying the tank I kept hoping that he would come back alive and start swimming around. It didn't seem possible that in a half hour period of time he would just die. But I knew it. Once the first one died it was only a matter of time until the second one would. I knew it for two days. It completely loomed over me the whole time, but surprise surprise! He really did die. And what's even worse? My grandma acted so fast. Once I had finished emptying the tank, she threw it away. Not even a single drop of compassion or an it's okay. Just a big ol' ( spoken in chinese ) "Those little fish were going to die anyways. They weren't even worth anything." Ouch. Like a stab in an already broken heart. But forget it. I have no time or reason to mope around. After all, they were just going to die anyways.

Why hello again!

2007-12-18T20:13:00.000-08:00

And so it began. She snatched them from their homes and slammed them down onto the cold wooden surface. One after another she snarled viciously at the poor people trapped in silver boxes. Though they smiled continuously, the pain was evident. The lives they had for years and years, taken away from them in an instant. And for what? For a new more modern home to stand upon? The lights flickered above them, and the woman laughed, "Such dirty little things! Put then somewhere else!"
Ahhum. Ok so when was my last post? Need not worry I am just fine. Can anyone guess what the above what-do-you-call-it is about? Soo...yesterday my aunt came from New York to visit and what not. Happy happy joy joy. Or is it!? As Stephanie may know, my aunt usually has a total cleaning rampage when she comes to visit. Dirty this dirty that. The victims are in fact the picture frames that were sitting upon our old TV. Jeez. Even though we got some fancy smancy new TV that doesn't mean she can suddenly decided that she's going to throw away the old one. I mean, that was the plan in the first place, but you should have heard her tone of voice. "Ahh! Just looking at these things here makes me angry." Okay, maybe typing it out isn't the best way to show how she sounded, BUT it was hurtful that she would just go right into thinking about throwing everything away without consulting the people who ACTUALLY live in the place. Blab blab okay whatever I am over with it anyways. Haha. I just thought it would be interesting to type it out story style.
Now onto the things I remember that happened to me in these past few day, weeks, or month..? Hmm..I had some funky dreams! Riight that's what it was. So anyways, it was the night before I was supposed to have a rehearsal for orchestra and right before bed I was thinking about it. In my dream my mom was driving me to school and I had my violin with me, but right as we reached the school she kept going. Angry, I said something along the lines of, "What the **** do you think you are doing?! I am already almost late for the rehearsal!" And she just U-turned and went back. But she missed again! Another baddd sentence came out of my mouth. She kept missing and missing and I kept cussing at her and hitting her and throwing the ultimate you-need-to-go-to-anger-management fit in the car. Creepy,scary, it was intense. My other dream? Hmm...don't really want to tell you peeps actually. Maybe just maybe you can ask me and I'll tell you.
AH! I got an A on my math test! WHoop whOOp! May not sound as pleasing as it did to me to you, but I'm happy! Now...if only I could concentrate more in the homework I was supposed to finish two hours ago! Dun dun DUNNN! Lord of the Flies, with a splash of dreamland Mandarin homework, here I come!!!

2007-11-13T18:43:00.000-08:00

Took out the ol' violin today and practiced! And WOO I sound so much better when no one is around to make me feel uncomfortable. Haha. Ho humsy hum bum. I must stop thinking about my interview this Saturday. I don't even know where it is at! Oh deary. What shall I do? What are my hobbies? Why do I want to enter the program? What is special about me? What is my favorite school subject? My my...how little you can think of yourself when someone is asking you about it. La dee la blee blah. My stand calls to me. The bow calls to me. The strings are being ignored. Must resist temptation to waste time on the internet! Must pick up violin and continue to...*minute later* I'm watching videos X___X

Tofu Fury

2007-11-05T17:10:00.000-08:00

I haven't been concentrating on my work lately. So many things to do but I just push everything aside. What can I do? There are iPods and cell phones, then books and more books, there is my computer and the TV, and so much food and places to doodle on...

Ahhum. Just came back from a twenty minute break away from the computer and I am FURIOUS! I have a project due tomorrow and none of my group members are trying to contact me. (except one person but STILL!!) What am I going to do? I can't even contact any of them because "everyone will go on AIM and chat it away." NOOO!!! NONE OF THEM ARE ON RIGHT NOW!! And the worst thing is...i haven't even finish my part of the project yet TT___TT. Need to make the poster and need to finish writing up elaborate answers to questions. Arrrggghhhhh. Must take anger out on inanimate object. Kick kick. Punch. Oww. My hands. My feet. My mind! THE biggest project of the quarter or semester and I am eating my dinner, texting my sister, and reading my book for two hours. why why why? Stupid tofu. I should chuck it out the window at some innocent pedestrian. Help. Help me. Guide me. Inspire me! I need motivation to finish my work!

CAUTION: Contents May Be Hot

2007-11-03T17:59:00.000-07:00

Woot! I finally got a new phone! Happy happy. No more old school Nokia with no color screen. Mmm...eating fried rice. Yum yum to the tum tum.
Blah I still have an essay to finish and a project to paste together. Oh my!

LAB-ra-ka-DaB-ra

2007-10-30T17:02:00.000-07:00

It's funny. Yesterday I was looking through one of my grandmather's/grandmo's (haha weirdo steph) photo albums, and I just started skimming through it. Seeing the younger versions of my aunts, uncles and my mom was so fun. They look so much like my cousins and they were also cute! But the thing that got me was the pictures of my grandfather. There were pictures of him waaaaaaayy before he even met granny. *flip page flip* and then I started to tear up. I don't know why. it just made me so happy to see my granny so excited about retelling the stories about those pictures.
Ahhh...anyways. Chemistry is hard. I'm not very fond of this lab stuff. I like the process but I do not favor those stupido lab write ups. Huzzah! Off to work.

Duck Duck MANGO

2007-10-29T17:22:00.000-07:00

For once I have sorta not really but kinda finished my homework. *clap clap clap* I finally had some yum yum naked juice. Mango is verry goodah. Me thinksies that I might not get chosen to go to Japan for People to People. boo hoo. Yes, it is going to be fun, but can I represent Ah-mare-Ri-ka? Hmmm...humm...humsy hum hum.

Oh The Catcher in the Rye is the strangest book. So hard to write about. Why are there so many interpretations? Maybe there isn't all that symbolism blab. What if J.D. Salinger didn't want his book to be all analyzed and studied. What if that Holden dude really wanted to just know where the ducks went. Ahh. How we just take a simple quote and jumble it around, make it all complicated, and leave all the literal people in the dust. Duck duck GOOSE!

Color my World

2007-10-24T18:25:00.000-07:00

Rant rant pant pant. Why does my house only have soymilk? I need JUICE! Mill-lee-khuu is bad. In-tie-rest-ing. colorful little world. Ahhum. Back to work.

Paper knife

2007-10-23T17:04:00.000-07:00

Tiffie "came back" from India! Woo hoo! Finally, I have someone to talk to instead of my granny. Or do I? Other than that, today was uneventful. I can be quite boring sometimes. Ahem. Supposed to be doing my homework but...I can't. IT'S TOO FRUSTRATING! Why can't I be one of those whiz kids and finish all my things fast? It's not like I don't understand what to do, I'd just rather write nonsense on a blog that make a bunch of calculations and notes in my head. Oh! I have a papercut! Pain pain. I don't like papercuts. They are too small to get a band-aid from the nurse and too big for you to bend your pinky so you can write. Papers are like knives. Flip page. Flip page. Cut! Ouch.

Whoa. Do you ever get those moments when you write/type a word to much that it starts to look like a bunch of oareihgoaiehg? paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper paper Ah...there it is. Paper isn't a word to me at the moment. P-A-P-E-R. Blab blab. If this never happened to you before then well...I must seem pretty weird to you at the moment. HA! Funny stuff. Fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun fun. It doesn't work with fun. Interesting. What should I make of this? the the the the the. IT DOESN'T WORK WITH THREE LETTER WORDS! Ah ha! Now I'm happy. now now now. Nevermind.

Hel-lOO-pole ME

2007-10-22T19:47:00.000-07:00

Wow! I'm back in the blogging phase. Ahhh...yes how only years ago i had fancied Xanga, then Myspace, then the ever so popular Facebook. But now i have moved on to better things. No, not really. Sadly, i am still caught up in all of those three (now four) sites. Anyways, this has now become my procrastination blog since i haven't finished my homework yet. Gehhh? Hel-loo-pole me!!!